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7) Whether you become trapped in and blinded by your feelings.If you do things that you later view as at best embarrassing and at their worst humiliating, you may feel compelled to return to the relationship to justify your actions, which will actually only make things worse.What all of these factors tell you, is that while you can’t control or change the fact that the relationship has ended or that you’re going to experience some pain, discomfort, and change, what you can control is how much more pain you experience as a result of what you choose to heap onto the experience. If you date, live, and love with your self-esteem in tow, while you’ll still be hurt after a breakup and it’ll take a while to get over it, all that is on the fire is that relationship.You have your memories, maybe some possessions that you keep back, but that part of your life is over – you don’t allow them to have an inflated amount of space in your mind or in your life by letting them or you keep a foothold.The limitation doesn’t happen due to you avoiding your feelings or trying to have your ex on some terms rather than no terms; it’s directly influenced by: 1) Whether you accept that the relationship is over and validate the reasons for it.if you don’t like them. The more it derails, the more things you have to deal with.3) How soon you start to nurture you and allow the present to infiltrate your life – The happier you are with other areas of your life has a huge impact.When you break up with someone, there’s the ‘dreaded’ pain that follows along with white space opening up where you thought you had a shared future.There’s likely a delayed reaction and it may take a day or few, or even a week before it hits you full force that it’s over.

4) How much you blame and even punish you – if you absorb all of the blame, you are guaranteed an immense amount of pain.

In the days, weeks, and possibly months that follow, you have to face the loss and your feelings about it so that you can pave the way to a different and hopefully better relationship.

From Day Zero of your breakup, in the seconds, minutes, hours, and then days and weeks that pass, you, by way of your actions and mentality, have an opportunity to limit the amount of pain that you experience.

It doesn’t mean that you erase all memories both good and bad, but what it does mean, is that you say goodbye to that chapter of your life so you can say hello to the next one. Whether it's figuring out what’s going on in a troubling relationship, understanding you and self-care, or being more assertive, I’m here to help you guide you.

A friendship with a hidden agenda is not mutual or a friendship.

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